115 Days Left
Weight: Unknown
Training Time: 4:15
Total Pledge Value: $607.47

Well kiddies, its been a very hectic week. For those of you who missed out on your daily dose of Mike yesterday, my apologies. I have been very busy this week, not only was my good friend Bill in town and up to no good, but I recently obtained meaningful employment for the summer and have spent my last two days sorting out all the things that go along with that. My new job is at a criminal law firm in downtown Vancouver and I'm sure it will prove to be both exciting and challenging. But, this blog is not for law talk, we'll leave that for Lawyerlike. My busy week also means that the last two days have been devoid of training. The coach has forgiven my misstep and says that it is not a big problem. He is concerned that over-training will lead to injury, so he assures me that occasional missed days are perfectly acceptable. I'm back on the training regimen tomorrow.

Just because I haven't been training, doesn't mean that the pledges have not continued to roll in. My friend Adam, the original escalator, has pledged 3 loaves of bread, for making into bread balls. I tried to find a suitable link, but to no avail. A bread ball is made by squeezing crustless Wonder Bread into a ball. Its filthy and purportedly delicious. But wait folks, that's not all! I told my Grandmother about the big race and she decided to pledge as well. When she heard about all the pledges I'd already collected she pledged $100. I told her that that seemed quite high, but she was unconcerned, she feels that "the odds are against" me. She also plans to start reading the blog, I told her that some of the content was R-rated, but I guess by the time you turn 72 you're allowed to rent ultraporn if you want to, so this shouldn't be a big deal.

And finally, as promised, I will properly explain the coach's $90 pledge. On Tuesday, during my training consultation with the coach, he told me that he had reconsidered his stance on pledging. He generously pledged $90. The amount was calculated to take me over the $500 barrier and ensure that I would be racing in my sporting whites. However, like all good things, this pledge does not come condition free. The coach has said that this $90 must be spent by him, on me, at a gentlemen’s club. This pledge is disgusting and wrong, but I have committed to accepting all material pledges, so I’m powerless to refuse it. It also completes the much sought after sexual trilogy (the other two elements being Viagra and a gross of condoms). But if any of you think I’m going to describe the array of morally degrading things that an entertainer will do for $90, either now, or after it happens, you’re sorely mistaken. The fact is that I respect their artistic integrity too much to reveal the details of their performances. Oh, and Grams, if you're reading this, I'’m just gonna sip my beer and avert my eyes the whole night, I swear.